'No' can be better than 'nothing'

I'd rather be rejected than ghosted - would you?

When you're applying for jobs or hoping to work with a new client and putting forward a proposal, the worst part is arguably waiting for a reply. The only thing worse than not getting a reply either way is being ghosted. Professional ghosting is awful. It feels really bad when you've made all the effort to apply for a job. It just feels awful to have silence, sometimes forever. There are some jobs I've applied for in the past, like one almost 20 years ago, that I've still never heard back from. That's the way it sometimes goes - nothing but tumbleweeds.

However, when you get a rejection, it can sometimes feel worse. There's a huge amount of disappointment and letdown. You've been building up this moment. You might have even been imagining what you're going to do if you get the role, how your life will operate around it, what you would do with the money, how you might fit in with the company, what you might do in terms of making the role your own. And suddenly, all of that mental planning disappears because you've just had a ‘no’, and worst of all, you've had a no with no explanation.

There are the classic lines that come with a ‘no’, of course. ‘We went with someone with more experience’, or ‘your skills weren’t quite what we were looking for this time’. Sometimes it’s generic (and you know it is) and it’s just that ‘you weren’t shortlisted’. It's hard not to take it personally because it feels like they're saying, ‘you're not right for us’ or ‘We don't want you’. Even: ‘You're not good enough for us’.

But I would still argue that getting a no is better than getting nothing, because a no frees you. A no gives you the opportunity to say, ‘okay, fine, I'll look elsewhere, I won't hang on.’

A no can be the best thing that could happen - of course only hindsight will show you that. Sometimes we apply for jobs that we think we might want or feel like there might be a good fit or sometimes even out of quite a desperate situation where ‘any job will do’. And, actually, getting a no from a job that isn't the perfect fit isn't a bad thing in the long run, even though it might feel quite crushing at the time.

A ‘no’ also allows you to take action. Getting a rejection or getting turned down for a role means that you know where you're at. It is a courtesy and there's an argument that companies should do more and they should give more focused feedback. They should say why you weren't a strong fit. That doesn't always happen and of course they're not obliged to. When the ‘no’ does come, one thing you can do is look into yourself and think, ‘okay. Why perhaps might I not have been a good fit? What could I do differently? Was my cover letter completely spot on? Could my CV do with an extra polish? How can I be what the next person is looking for?’

It also comes back to values and what you are really searching for in a role or client. Are they the right fit for you? Sometimes it helps to flip the script and think ‘they've done me a favour there’. So, yes, it does hurt, but eventually, after the shock and the moment of disappointment, a ‘no’ allows you to move on. To reset, to make new plans and to make decisions that you are in control of.

Do you agree?

Thanks as always for reading, and do come say hi over on LinkedIn.

xJenny