Do you share your salary with friends?
How about strangers? I'm not sure we should - here's why...
“In order to give you the quote, I’ll need to know your salary”
That was the challenge laid down to me recently as I chatted to someone on the phone about my phone contract.
I’ve been out of contract since MARCH (I know, I know) and so it’s high time I sorted it out.
After getting a quote in-store, I decided to call up the phone provider and see if they could better it. A bit of good old-fashioned bartering.
But there was no budging. And in fact before I was able to hear the quote, I was told I’d need to share my salary details.
I was gobsmacked.
I could hear Grandad Stallard’s shocked voice, telling me this was rude and intrusive.
Also, could I lie?
I did eventually share it but there was only my word for it. (They did say I’d have to prove it later).
As an existing customer, this flummoxed me.
And as a 47-year-old it made me prickly-skin mad.
Did they realise how personal this information was?! It seemed not. Was it my age, am I out of touch? Is it normal to give someone your salary so nonchalently?
Telling ‘someone’ vs telling a friend
The idea of telling a stranger my salary felt deeply intrusive. But it’s not as exposing as telling a friend.
I feel that discussing salary with friends is a dangerous game to play. People will assume what you earn from what you spend but there’s a big difference between them guessing and them knowing. Those who are not happy with their salary will compare, and might even become annoyed with you. Why do YOU earn that, while they don’t, their inner voice will whisper.
If they know what you earn will they expect certain things - or judge your decisions because they assume, based on your salary, that you ‘could’ afford something?
Sharing salary is so personal because we work so hard to get to a certain salaried point. It’s also shame-focused, too. If you aren’t happy with what you earn and someone wants to know, you’ll feel like you wish you hadn’t been asked.
As a freelancer I would more readily share the day rates I was paid, or what I would charge. For me that’s very different to sharing a salary, as the rates are set by the freelancer and also charging a day rate doesn’t mean you get that rate every day.
However there is still that envy element among friends. Oh you charge £350 a day? Well you must be LOADED then?!
I think there is a huge risk in sharing your salary with friends and family. There is a huge emotional weight attached to it - for those who hear what you earn, it might lead to assumptions. It will inevitably lead to comparison and perhaps even resentment.
You’ll find yourself explaining and excusing your salary, perhaps adding in why you earn what you do, or how you negotiated for it.
There’s also the factor of where you’re at in your career. My salary as a full-time journalist is different to that when I was a freelance journo, and again to that I might earn as a coach.
So while, yes, ok I told the guy on the phone, I won’t tell friends what I earn. I don’t think it’s a path we should walk down, because once that information is out of the bag, it can’t go back in.
P.S. Ever wondered what a flood warning siren sounds like? I had no idea they existed but I heard the one in Hebden Bridge on a break recently. It’s like an air raid siren (in fact I think it is a repurposed one).
I made a reel out of it - and it’s gained a lot of views… see what you think
